i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
