"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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