I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
