Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
