you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
