there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
