even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
