also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
