Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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