I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
