I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
