Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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