I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
