let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
