I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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