Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
