Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
