K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
