where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
