watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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