If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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