Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
