also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
