Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
