Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
