Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
