i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
