you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
