Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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