You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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