So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
