just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
