it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
