im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
