The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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