a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
