i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
