hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
