He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
