I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
