they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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