I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
