His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
