you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
