Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
