That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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