So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
