If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
