Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
