Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
