good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
